November 21, 2017

It was 10:50AM on September 27th and my momma, Silas and I had just arrived at Sarasota Memorial Hospital. We were there that morning to do all of the pre-testing before my cesarean the next day. Samson was at home resting because two days earlier he hurt his foot and wasn’t able to work until the podiatrist gave him the ok. The entire drive to the hospital I was praying and asking God for his peace. I knew I had a cesarean with Silas but this was completely different. This time everything was being planned but I still had a feeling and I was so right.

Before I continue, I’m going to give you a brief recap of how Silas’ birth story went. For Silas’ birth, we had midwives and we prepared with lots of knowledge of a natural childbirth experience that we were hoping for. Unfortunately, Silas was stuck and I didn’t get the birth experience I was hoping for. We were rushed to Sarasota Memorial Hospital where an emergency cesarean happened. Recovery was harder and longer because I had just gone through the entire labor part of trying to get this sweet boy into the world and then had surgery on top of all that. I also had some anxiety after having Silas. With all that being said, I battled fear for much of my pregnancy with Baby Walker #2.

For Dax’s birth, it became clear that I needed to lean on the Lord once again. I tried my best to do so but fear. I knew fear and I knew it needed to go. All I could think of was failing, the overwhelming emotions and tears that followed days after Silas’ birth, the pain of healing and the fear of ending in surgery once again.

It was about 2 months before my due date when the Lord began leading me to a place of peace. I began to research having a scheduled cesarean and all the benefits that you can still have as opposed to an emergency cesarean. He helped me slowly rid myself of these enormous fears and concerns I had about the upcoming events.

My family and Samson were also a big help in this because I had them praying for me. Praying that I would have peace and that we would make the right decision of whether we should try for a natural birth or schedule a cesarean.


So back to the day of…

The hospital valet opened my door and as I stood up I felt a warm gush of wetness. I thought I had just peed my pants! I couldn’t believe it. Thankfully I was wearing a pad that morning and we were early for my appointment so I rushed to bathroom to take care of what I thought was pee. After I stood up it happened again! At this point I was still in denial that this was my water breaking.

We all made it to the check-in desk and we were told to wait in the waiting area and someone would be with us shortly. Well when you feel like your constantly peeing your pants shortly feels like an eternity. I went to the restroom one more time while we were waiting and still wouldn’t accept the fact that we would be meeting our little boy one day early. Finally, I was called back. The ladies behind the desk asked for my photo ID and insurance card and asked how I was doing. I told them everything that had happened up to that point and they immediately sent me to the OBECC (obstetric emergency care center). They told me my water definitely broke as soon as we arrived. At this point I’m still in complete shock and starting to freak out a little bit.

We called Samson to let him know that we were almost positive that my water broke and told him we would keep him posted because at this point I wasn’t experiencing any other signs of labor. I filled out some paperwork and shortly after that we were taken back to one of the OBECC rooms to wait for the nurse. She came in and checked my vitals. Everything looked good and then we waited for the midwife on staff. The midwife came in and tested the fluid. She said “it looks like we’re having a baby today.”

This is where all of the hustle and bustle began or so I thought. I called Samson and asked him to finish packing the hospital bags and to bring the gifts for the nurses too. Just as I was about to tell him to hurry on down the midwife popped back in. She asked when I had eaten breakfast and what did I have. That morning I had a eggs, oatmeal, a banana and sausages. Well because of my over achieving meal we weren’t able to schedule the cesarean until 4:00pm.

So, the hustle and bustle didn’t begin and I told Samson to get to the hospital as soon as he could but there was no rush since we had to wait. My mom and Silas left shortly after because Silas wasn’t allowed in the surgery prep/recovery area and I bawled my eyes out as soon as they left!

The next time I saw Silas we would be a family of 4 instead of a family of 3. He would be a big brother. I would be a momma to 2 little boys instead of just 1. It was so bittersweet. I was so excited to meet our second baby boy but fear was there again. How was I going to have enough time, love and energy for them both? How could I love this new little soul as much as I love Silas?

Before they left I hugged Silas as tight as I could and told him how much I loved him. As the door shut behind them I could hear my sweet boy protesting the whole way out. My heart was so heavy but then I began to pray. God is so good and he did just what we had been praying for. Peace. I was filled with unending peace.

It was now 2:30PM and this is when I finally started to feel contractions. I was waiting for Samson to arrive and trying to rest as much as I could. The contractions weren’t too bad I just needed to do some slow breathing to get through them. Shortly after the contractions Samson walked through the door. I was so happy to see him that I almost started to cry again.

It was almost 4:00PM and Dr KASH came in to see me before prepping for surgery. We joked about Dax choosing his birth date and then things really got moving. Samson put on all of his surgery gear and we kissed before I was escorted to the operating room. As I walked down the cold empty hallway I was flooded with so many emotions and I began to weep. I kept apologizing to the nurse and tried to hold it together. We reached the door and I paused. This was it, the next time I would go through these doors I would be holding our precious baby boy.

The nurses finished prepping me for surgery and then Samson came in. This was all so strange to me. I didn’t remember any of this from Silas’ birth because I was so exhausted but this time I was aware of everything. I could hear the different conversations going on in the room and all I could think is “how are you people this calm?” Thankfully one of the nurses noticed my anxiousness and suggested we play some music. Samson pulled out my phone and started playing the Calming Christian Playlist on Spotify. My anxiety went away shortly after that but the tears kept coming. I couldn’t stop weeping. I knew that God is so very good and that we were all in His hands. They were tears of joy and by His good grace the next thing I heard was our precious baby crying. My heart was so overwhelmingly thankful in this moment!

Samson held my hand and we couldn’t stop smiling at one another. Then Dax was placed on my chest and I was just in awe of how sweet and tiny he was.

And introducing him to his big brother was the sweetest moment that I will treasure for the rest of my life. TWO BOYS. I still can’t believe that I’m a boy mom.

Silas wanted to hold, touch and snuggle Dax from the moment he met him. Their little relationship is off to the sweetest start.


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